Faithfully
by lea michele
Summary: Two best friends go on a road trip against time, as she deals with living with AIDS and he deals with falling in love. The summary sucks, I'm sorry.
1. Chapter 1

She had this dream. She wanted to travel across the state, from the top to the very bottom. And she wanted me to come with her.

_I have it all figured out,_ she said. _By the time we reach the bottom, we will have spent exactly six weeks traveling._

Six weeks. Of course she would plan it perfectly for six weeks.

I would go with her, because it was the last six weeks I would ever see her.

It would be the last six weeks she would live.

Of course I agreed. I would do anything to spend time with her and she seemed resolute about going on this trip, with or without me. I wasn't going to let her travel the coast of California alone, not when she was this close to…leaving.

So, I had packed my bags and convinced my dad to let me have the old truck I knew he didn't use. I had helped her pack and we were on our way.

I met Estella Jackson when we she was 12, and I was 13. We were in the 7th grade, and she was my partner for science. She was the new kid and I was the one who was stuck with her, because our teacher thought I could teach her how things worked in class. Our assignment was to cut up a frog and I expected her to be squeamish, like all the other girls in the class, and shy, like most new kids. However, even at 12 she was the most interesting person I had ever met. She immediately started talking about herself and where she was from all while grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting right into the frog. I was stunned by her.

She was born in New York, and from the time she was 4 years old, she had known what she wanted to do with her life.

"I'm going to be on Broadway. I would like to start out playing Fanny from Funny Girl, and then perhaps move on to Wendla from Spring Awakening." She had told me as she cut up the frog, completely content to be the one to talk. I just watched as this twelve year old girl came into my life, fully confident in herself. I could only dream of having that sort of confidence, especially at 13. I was always worried about something, especially during this awkward time. I was going through that phase where I was learning that girls didn't have cooties, and I was starting to notice them and how some girls were really pretty. Estella wasn't a classic beauty. I probably would have never given her a second glance if it hadn't been for the fact that she was so happy with herself that she didn't care about anyone else.

I learned a lot about her in that year. Her mother had died of AIDS when Estella was 9, and there was a slight chance she could have contracted the disease from her mother.

"I'm not worried about it, though. The way I see it, life will give me my chance to shine, and then once I've accomplished everything I want to, it will be time for me to go." She told me after she had told me how her mom had died. I couldn't imagine life without my mother, and I admired her for being so strong even though she was so young. I asked her how she dealt with it so easily.

"Oh, it isn't easy," She responded, shrugging. "But nothing is ever easy if it's worth it. I love her and I love my dad. If I acted weak, I would hurt my dad." She spoke as if it was the simplest thing in the world and I should have realized it without having to ask. She was extremely brilliant, and, as I would come to learn, extremely talented. She wasn't simply dreaming about being on Broadway, she was going to do something about it.

When she was 14 and I was 15, in our freshman year of high school, she auditioned for the school musical, _West Side Story_. I had joined as a member of the running crew at her request.

"I'm going to get in, and since you're so adamant about not singing, you can at least join the crew so we can still spend time together," She had told me while she signed her name on the audition sheet. "It will be fun, I promise."

I had just shaken my head at her confidence, but I went to the auditions for her. She walked onto the stage as if she owned it, smiled down at the director and the choir teacher as if she were sharing some secret with them, and opened her mouth, belting out into a song from some musical I didn't know. I don't think anyone in that auditorium was expecting the voice she had, especially from a girl so young. When she was finished, she merely grinned triumphantly, thanked them for their time, and then walked off the stage, motioning for me to follow her out.

She landed the lead, the first freshman ever to get a lead in the musical. From that day on I knew she would always make her goal of being on Broadway, and I had no doubts.

Everything changed the year after graduation. She had left me in our little town of Adin, California, flying off to Julliard on a full-ride scholarship, with a promise to always write everyday and to visit every break. I stayed behind in Adin, taking courses at the community college in Business Management with plans to take over my father's company when he retired.

It was in the middle of December, right around the time she was scheduled to come home. She would have gone to stay with her father, but he was busy traveling the world; something about wanting to live it up before he died. I had promised her that I would pick her up from the airport, and she was bubbling over with excitement about all the stories she wanted to tell me about New York.

"I miss you so much, Jack! I can't wait to see you. I have so much I have to tell you. I saw so many shows in New York, they were absolutely brilliant, although the woman in The Last Five Years could have not been so sharp, but that's beside the point. I should be there in about an hour, are you going to be there?" Estella was always speaking in paragraphs; there was nothing one-word about her. I couldn't help but chuckle, it was nice to know that New York hadn't changed anything about her.

"Yeah, I'll be there. Don't worry." I said, smiling at the sound of her voice. I hadn't realized how much I would have missed it until she was actually gone. It was a lot like the hum of the air conditioning, you get so used to it while it's there, the silence is deafening when it's gone.

"Oh, I'm not worried. I trust you'll be there, I was merely asking to reassure myself. They're having us board now, I'll see you when I get in town." She hung up the phone and I found myself watching the clock, wasting away the slowest hour of my life.

I drove through the snow and ice to the airport, parking near the front so she wouldn't have to walk far. I ran into the airport, searching for her gate. I finally found it with 10 minutes to spare. I sighed in relief, sitting down on one of the chairs as I watched the window anxiously for signs of landing planes.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the plane was landing and the gates were opening, and people were flooding out. I stood up immediately, searching the crowd for her familiar face.

"Jack!"

I whirled around, grinning like a fool when I heard her call my name. I saw her, running towards me with the biggest smile on her face. I opened my arms and she leapt into them, hugging me tightly. I spun around once, setting her down easily. I frowned; she seemed so much…smaller. I put my hands on her shoulder, examining her.

"Have you been eating up there?" I asked, noticing her already small frame was tinier. She smiled up at me, an amused twinkle in her eyes.

"Of course I've been eating, Jack. You didn't honestly think that being in New York would make me suddenly develop anorexia nervosa, did you? I would like to think I have better sense than that, thank you very much." She said, looking at me with an expression I had come to know well. It was her _you should have known that without having to ask_ look, one she used often on me.

"Right. Sorry. It's just that you're so…small." I said, motioning to her thinning frame.

"Well, I have been a bit sick for the past few weeks, but it's nothing to worry about. I will be feeling fine soon enough." She had said it with such confidence that I believed her.

I took her back to my house, where she would be staying for the next two weeks before she had to go back to school. As the days passed and we spent as much time together as possible, I noticed her getting sicker. She would sleep longer, cough harder, need to sit down more often than usual, and it was starting to worry me.

After days of trying to convince her to go to the doctor, she finally caved, insisting that I was overreacting but going to please me anyway. I drove her up in my dad's old truck, and we walked right into the doctor I had been going to since I was a kid.

I walked with her all the way to the room, and after a moment's hesitation, the doctor let me in. Of course, Estella did have something to do with that, convincing the man that I needed to be with her at all times. I sat in a chair in the corner while she downgraded everything that had been happening in the past week, and I gave the doctor an accurate story of what had happened. He frowned a lot, asking her a lot of questions about her parents and what kind of diseases they might have suffered from.

When she told him that her mother had AIDS, his frown deepened and he asked if she would mind taking a blood test. She said she didn't mind, so he took a blood sample and left the room, promising he would be right back. This was where I started to get worried, but Estella was calm as ever, humming music from Broadway musicals as if the doc had just gone for a water break and not an HIV test.

We waited for what seemed like hours until finally the doctor came back. His face was somber and solemn and then my heart started racing and pounding because this could only mean one thing, but I was hoping and praying that I was wrong, that he was pulling a joke, a horrible one, but a joke nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, Miss Jackson. You're HIV positive."

The humming stopped and the silence in the room was deafening. She stared ahead blankly, not looking at anything or anyone, off in her own world as she digested his words. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. It seemed impossible that she would be sick with something that would end her life so suddenly. This couldn't be happening.

"Thank you, Dr. Branson. I assume there's nothing that can be done?"

"Unfortunately, no. If we had caught it sooner, perhaps we could have done some sort of treatment to keep the HIV cells from multiplying, however, they have already transformed into the AIDS virus. I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do." He sounded genuinely sorry, as if he understood that this virus was going to kill one of the brightest people on this Earth.

"I see. Thank you, Dr. Branson. One more question, then I'll stop, I promise. How long?" She didn't have to elaborate for me or Doc to know that she was talking about her suddenly shortened life span.

"A little over a year." He answered quietly. I saw her face freeze for a moment, and I knew what she was thinking. A year wouldn't be enough for her to finish college, let alone make it to Broadway. She quickly composed herself, giving Dr. Branson a gentle smile before thanking him and leaving the room quickly.

I followed her, barely giving Dr. Branson a goodbye wave before I was out the door, following her to the car.

"Estella," I started, but she put a hand up, stopping me in my tracks.

"I don't want to hear it. Please, Jack." She said softly, trying her hardest to keep her voice from cracking. I exhaled, nodding. I wasn't going to make this any harder on her. I opened the door for her and watched as she climbed in, and we drove back to my house in silence.

She didn't show any weakness for the rest of the day, keeping it quiet at dinner and putting up a front, laughing with my mom and teasing my dad. It wasn't until later that night that I was passing her room that I heard her crying. I hesitated, before opening the door and walking in, silently sitting next to her and wrapping my arms around her, cradling her tiny frame, her sobs wracking her body as she cried into my shoulder.

She stayed with me, not returning to school when she was supposed to. The only thing she said was that it would hurt too much to try to pretend like this wasn't happening, and going to school wouldn't help anyone. I had nodded, and my parents, who were now aware of what was going on, welcomed her to stay for as long as she wanted. She called her dad and he told her he was coming home immediately. She talked him out of it, telling him that she refused to be the cause of his coming home and ruining his vacation.

"I am an adult now, Father. I can take care of myself, and I will be perfectly safe with Jack and his family. I absolutely will not talk to you if you come home. Please listen to me and grant me what I want. I wish for you to stay on your vacation."

It killed me to watch her slip away. There would be moments where I would look at her and see the girl who was going to be on Broadway, and then she would cough and it would rack her body until all I could see was the frail girl who was going to _die_.

I hated thinking, hearing, or speaking that word. Anytime I heard it I wanted to punch a wall and break down and cry at the same time. My best friend was going to die, she was going to leave and she wasn't going to come back. And there was nothing I could do about it. We were helpless, forced to watch as she slipped through our fingers.

She proposed the idea at breakfast one day, while we were eating alone. My parents had gone off to work, and we were sitting there, in comfortable silence, when she broke it with her idea.

"I want to travel the coast of California." She said it calmly and casually, as if she was mentioning the weather or that she liked the shirt I was wearing.

"You want to what?" I asked, my eyebrows coming together in confusion and worry.

"I want to travel the coast of California. I want to go with you and travel all the way down to the bottom." She continued to eat, keeping her eyes trained on her bowl of cereal, not looking at me.

"Estella, I don't know if that's a good idea." I was fully aware of her ticking clock, the one that would take her from me when it was time. I had been keeping track of the weeks, subconsciously, I think. I knew she didn't have much time left, maybe a little more than a month.

She waved her hand dismissively, finally looking up at me.

"I've fully thought this through, Jack. It's not a spur of the moment idea, I've been thinking about it for awhile now. I have it all planned out. I found a map and I mapped out our route. I have it all figured out. By the time we reach the bottom, we will have spent exactly six weeks traveling."

Six weeks. She was very aware of her ticking biological clock as well.

"Estella…"

"Please, Jack. It's what I want. I want to spend the last weeks…with you, seeing my home state. _Living_ a little." She pleaded softly, looking directly into my eyes and begging with them. I closed my eyes, unable to think with her eyes peering into my soul.

"Fine. We'll go." I said, exhaling and opening my eyes. I couldn't say no to her. It just wasn't possible, not when she was in this condition and I could make her smile by saying yes. She beamed at me from across the table, getting up and walking over to my side, hugging me as tightly as she could.

"Thank you." She whispered quietly, kissing the top of my head before going to sit back down, glowing like an excited child. I smiled, glad that she was happy. It was the least I could do for it. It was all I could do for her. That killed me.

I told my parents what she wanted, and although they were as against it as I was, no one could resist Estella. She got her way, of course. She showed me the map. We would start in Akin, moving down to Yreka, then Clear Creek, to Orleans and then to Blue Lake, over to Eureka, down to Fortuna, Rio Dell, Honeydew, White Horn, Fort Bragg, Elk, Point Arena, to Cloverdale, Windsor, Santa Rosa, San Rafael, San Francisco, Redwood City, Sunnyvale, Santa Cruz, Marina, Greenfield, down to Santa Barbara, then Los Angeles, Anaheim, and ending up in San Diego. Most of the cities were tiny, and we would pass through them in a few hours, but others she wanted to stay in for awhile. She really had put thought into this, our route mapped out on the little map she had found, connected from city to city in bright red marker.

We packed our bags, and after several promises to call them from every city, my parents hugged us each goodbye, making me swear to take care of her and making her swear to take care of herself. Finally, we were in the car and on our way down California.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked her for the thousandth time, pulling out of my driveway slowly.

"I have told you time and time again, Jack, I want to do this. I am not backing out. Please stop worrying. I _want_ to do this." She said, looking over at me with such confidence that I believed her.

"Alright. If you're sure."

"I am sure. Now, come on. If you waste anymore time, we aren't going to make it down to the bottom." She said, giving me a teasing smile. I smiled back, but turned to the road so she wouldn't read the anger in my eyes. I hated the fact that if we did waste time, she wouldn't live to see the end of our trip. I took in a few deep breaths to calm down; there was no need to be so upset around Estella.

We pulled out of the driveway and onto the road, and we were on our way. There was no turning back now. My parents had loaded my bank account with as much money as we could afford, and Estella had convinced her dad to put money into her bank account as well. She would also be using some of her money that was going to go to college, which I knew bothered her. It wasn't the fact that she was using the money, but the fact that she had to use it because it wasn't going to go to her school anymore.

The first few hours of the ride were no different. It was like we were taking a trip to the grocery store, not going all the way down to San Diego. We chatted about everything and anything, whatever came to mind, it was discussed. Eventually we got on the topic of our families.

"My mom was the best. I'm horribly afraid of thunderstorms, you see, and back in New York we used to get them a lot. Every time it would thunder, she would come into my room with a cup of chamomile tea and a warm blanket. She would sit next to me on the bed and wrap the blanket around me, and give me the cup of tea. She would sing songs from whatever play I was obsessed with at the moment, and she would make me forget that it was raining outside. It was like a ritual we had. She even did it when she was sick, but she was always extremely careful. I miss her, Jack." She told me, staring out at the road in front of us, her voice going soft.

"I used to sit in her room after she was gone and cover myself with a warm blanket and drink chamomile tea, and hope that maybe she would start singing again, but she never did. I suppose it was silly, now that I think back on it, but I honestly believed that for a moment, she would sing again." She stayed silent for a few moments, and then laughed quietly, glancing up at me.

"I'm sorry. This must be a bit heavy. I shouldn't have dumped this on you so early in our trip." Estella smiled, smiling apologetically, tears threatening in the corner of her eyes. I shook my head, reaching over and taking her hand, squeezing it gently.

"Don't apologize." I said quietly, keeping my eyes on the road. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her smile slightly, squeezing my hand again as she kept her eyes on the road as well.

We made it to Yreka within a few hours, and we pulled into a small diner to grab a bite to eat before leaving again, on the road. We were making good time, thanks to Estella's map and my driving skills. We cruised through most of the tiny towns in California, talking some more about her family and mine.

Soon enough, it was 1 in the morning and I was starting to fall asleep at the wheel.

"Jack, perhaps we should check into a motel. We can't crash now." Estella said, shaking me awake for the tenth time. I nodded sleepily, doing as she said. I pulled into the nearest Motel 6, parking and stumbling into the lobby. I quickly paid for a room, not really paying attention to what I had just paid for. I memorized the room number and took the card from the guy behind the counter. I walked sleepily back to Estella and helped her out of the car, grabbing our bags and locking the doors and moving to the room. I slid the card in and opened the door, moving into the room like I was drunk. I heard Estella's laugh from behind me as she closed the door, and then we both noticed the room.

It was clean but small, with a tiny kitchenette on one side and a bathroom next to it. In the middle of the room was one queen-sized bed. This might have made me feel uncomfortable if I wasn't traveling with Estella and more tired than I had ever been before. Barely able to kick off my shoes, I crawled into the bed, moving underneath the covers, my eyes already closed. I felt her move into the bed, silently slipping underneath the sheets.

"Sweet dreams, Jack." She said softly, humming quietly as I drifted back into sleep. Right before I lost consciousness, I could have sworn I felt her lightly kiss my forehead. It was too much for my tired mind to comprehend, so I chalked it up to wishful thinking and promptly fell asleep.

The next morning I rolled over in the bed, surprised when I rolled into another body. Estella squeaked, waking up startled.

"Jack, no need to smother me. I'll wake up on my own good time, thank you." She said through her sleepiness, her eyes fluttering closed again. I chuckled quietly, rolling back to my side of the bed and rubbing my eyes sleepily.

"C'mon, Estella, we should wake up," I said half-heartedly, not really wanting to get up but knowing I had to. I heard her groan in protest.

"I don't want to," She mumbled. "I still need a few more hours of sleep. What time is it?"

I glanced over to the clock sitting on the bedside table. The little red numbers read **1:34**. I blinked, rubbing my eyes again. Either we had only slept for thirty minutes, or we had slept for twelve hours.

"One thirty-four," I told Estella, sitting up. She sat up quickly, looking at the clock.

"We've slept through half of the day! Jack, we have to get up, we have to go! Get out of bed, you lazy bum!" She exclaimed, getting out of bed extremely fast and flying around the room, putting our shoes by the door, grabbing clothes from her bag and zipping into the bathroom all within a matter of seconds. I blinked twice when the bathroom door slammed shut, and slowly got out of bed, yawning and stretching.

I moved over to my bag, grabbing a pair of comfortable jeans and a worn out t-shirt, quickly changing out of the clothes I had fallen asleep in. I slipped on my shoes, waiting for Estella to come out of the bathroom. I wasn't sure what she was doing in there, probably some weird girl ritual or whatever it was they do in the morning.

I was sitting on the bed, flipping through the channels on the TV when she finally came out, dressed in fresh clothes. I glanced up at her, grinning.

"About time," I teased, getting off the bed and moving to the bathroom, ruffling her hair as I passed. She pouted, grumbling something incoherent as I went to the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth and running my fingers through my hair, sort of combing it. I walked back out to see her standing by the door, her bag slung over her shoulder, bouncing on the heels of her feet.

"We're wasting time! C'mon, Jack, you're walking too slowly!" She chirped, turning on her heels and walking out the door. I laughed quietly, grabbing my bag and the room key, walking back to the lobby and checking out before getting back into the truck, greeted by Estella's beaming and impatient face.

I chuckled quietly, starting the truck and pulling out of the parking lot, heading back towards the highway.

"So, where are we headed?" I asked. She pulled out the map, biting her lip as she tried to read it.

"We've already passed through the first four cities, so we should be arriving in Eureka in about two hours." She informed me, folding the map back up. I smiled. We had already made it through the first day without any trouble.

We made it to Eureka in good time, and we stopped for a quick bite to eat and called out parents. My parents asked tons of questions about her health and how safe I was keeping her, and I reassured them that there were no problems, that Estella was fine.

As we were leaving, a little girl ran into the diner, throwing the door open and running into Estella. Estella stumbled back and the girl looked up at her, wide eyed and apologetic.

"Sorry!" The young girl squeaked.

"That's alright." Estella said, straightening herself up and smiling at the girl. Her parents rushed in after her, quickly speaking apologies and pulling the young girl away. Estella waved at the girl as we walked out, watching her with a wistful look.

"You alright?" I asked, reaching out to steady her in case she stumbled again. She nodded, sighing tragically and moving back towards the truck. We sat in the car, driving in silence. This worried me. Normally Estella was chattering away, filling the truck with nonsense about things I didn't know.

"Hey, are you sure you're alright?" I asked, glancing at her quickly. She bit her bottom lip, hesitating.

"It's silly, really."

"Go ahead, tell me."

"You have to promise to not laugh." She said, looking up at me with a glare that told me she was completely serious.

"I promise, no laughing." I said, holding up my right hand. She sat back in her seat, pausing before speaking.

"I've always wanted a big family. I'm an only child, you know, and while it did have its perks, it was quite boring most of the time. My father is allergic to most pets, so getting a dog or a cat was out of the question. I spent most of my time alone, which I suppose led to my obsession with Broadway. I thought that when I grew up and got married, I was going to have a large family, with lots of kids, so they would never be lonely. Seeing that little girl just made me think of what I won't have, that's all. Like I said, it's silly." Estella spoke quickly, shrugging casually at the end as if it hadn't really bothered her.

"That's not silly, Estella." I said, glancing over at her. I wasn't sure what else to say. I couldn't think of anything comforting to say to her. We both knew that there was no way she could have children anymore, there was no denying that. It fell silent, and we both stared ahead out at the road, grasping for something to say and unable to think of anything.

"You're going to have to start looking out for an exit into Fortuna soon," Estella said, grabbing the map and opening it up, finding our route and our subject change.

"Alright."

We drove in silence for awhile, reaching Fortuna before either one of us spoke again. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but I knew what was running through my mind.

There was no doubt in my mind that I loved Estella. But loving someone and being in love with someone were two totally different things. I had never even considered the possibility of being in love with her. It had never occurred to me. But now that I thought about it…

I glanced over at her. She was staring straight ahead, her forehead crinkled like it always was when she was deep in thought. She was biting on her bottom lip and her hands were tapping on her leg like she did when she was nervous. I studied her face for a few seconds. She was thinner than she had been before she left for New York, and I knew that was because of the disease. But that was the only thing that had changed. She was still the same girl I had met seven years ago in biology class who cut up the frog and talked about herself all at the same time. Nothing about her personality had changed, she was still headstrong and determined and beautiful and stubborn. She was still _my_ Estella.

She glanced up at me and I looked away quickly, staring back at the road. I could feel my face start to heat up, and I focused on driving, trying to clear my thoughts. Now was not the time to be contemplating this. Now was not the time to be considering whether or not I was in love with my best friend. If I were going to be honest with myself, I would be able to admit that there was no reason for contemplation or consideration because the answer had been clear since I was 13 years old, but now was not the time to be honest.

We drove through Fortuna within an hour, both of us deciding that there was no need to stop for anything. We drove for the rest of the day, only stopping once or twice to pick up food or go to the bathroom. By the time it was late enough to stop driving again, we had reached Santa Rosa. It wasn't nearly as late as last time, but both Estella and I agreed that it was better to be safe than sorry.

I pulled in the nearest motel and left Estella in the car, going to check into another room. The guy behind the counter handed me a card, telling me where the room was with a bored expression and flat tone of voice. I thanked him, leaving the lobby and moving back to the truck, helping Estella out and grabbing our bags. I handed her the card and told her where it was, and then followed her as she scampered around, searching for the room.

When we finally found it, she was worn out and tired. I frowned, opening the door for her and letting her in first. She wasn't as energetic as usual.

"You alright?" I asked, watching her carefully as I set the bags down near the door. She nodded, sitting down on the bed and catching her breath.

"I just don't have all the energy like I used to, that's all. No need to worry, Jack, I'll be fine in a moment. I just have to catch my breath. I'll be fine." Estella smiled up at me, the effort apparent in the way it didn't reach all the way up to her eyes. I moved to sit down next to her, my hands in my lap. She rested her head on my shoulder, inhaling and exhaling with difficulty. I couldn't help but feel my anger rising. This wasn't fair. I wanted to run outside and shout to the world that it wasn't fair that she was dying. I wanted to bargain with someone, anyone, and tell them to take me, not her. She didn't deserve this. This wasn't _**fair.**_

Instead of shouting or punching a wall or a person, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, rubbing her arm comfortingly. When she finally caught her breath, she smiled up at me, her eyes twinkling with the happiness of her smile. I smiled back, but I knew it wasn't as genuine as hers. She stood up, moving to her bag and grabbing her pajamas and toothbrush, going into the bathroom to brush her teeth and change.

I took this time to change myself, getting out of my jeans and slipping into a pair of basketball shorts, taking off my shoes and putting them by the door. I got into the bed, lying above the covers, turning on the TV to fill the silent room with noise.

When Estella came out again, she moved into the bed, lying next to me. She looked really exhausted, so I turned off the TV and pushed the covers back so she could crawl under them. She did so, giving me a grateful, tired smile. I moved under the covers as well, lying so I was looking at her. She moved closer to me, shivering slightly.

"Are you cold?" I asked, frowning slightly. She nodded.

"Just a little. Do you mind? You're quite warm." She said, moving a bit closer. I shook my head, letting her know it was okay. She pressed against me, curling into me and burying her face in my chest. I hesitated before wrapping one arm around her, holding her close.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you sing for me? You don't have to if you don't want to, it's just that I've been having a hard time falling asleep lately, and my mom used to sing for me whenever I couldn't fall asleep, and I have been missing her a lot lately. You don't have to, I feel like I've already pushed you to do so much for me. Never mind. Pretend I didn't ask."

I chuckled. Even if she was losing energy, Estella still talked in paragraphs.

"It's okay. I won't be very good." I warned her, glancing down at her. Her face was still buried in my chest, but I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

I thought for a moment, trying to think of a song to sing.

_Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper I love you, birds singing in the sycamore tree, dream a little dream of me, _I sang quietly, staring over her head towards the wall. I could feel her starting to relax, so I continued to sing. _Say nighty-night and kiss me, just hold me tight and tell me you miss me, while I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me._

Soon her back was rising and falling in a steady pattern, and I could tell she was asleep. I smiled at her. She looked peaceful, as if there was nothing in the world that was going to stop her. I closed my eyes, humming softly until I fell asleep, dreams filled with an endless road and an immortal Estella.

The next morning, I woke up to find my arms were empty. I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes and looking around sleepily. I finally saw her when she came out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go.

"It's about time you woke up." She said, grinning over at me.

"What time is it?" I asked groggily.

"Ten thirty in the morning." She chirped, moving over to her bag and packing up her clothes carefully. "We have to get going if we're going to make it to San Francisco today." She added, glancing over at me.

"Alright, alright, I'm getting up." I said, getting out of the bed drowsily and stumbling over to my suitcase, grabbing a change of clean clothes and my toothbrush, moving into the bathroom. I took a quick shower that woke me up and then got dressed, brushing my teeth and running my fingers through my hair once.

"Alright, let's go." I said, coming out of the bathroom. She beamed up at me, grabbing her bag and slipping on her shoes. I put my shoes on and grabbed my bag, taking the card and moving out of the room, leading her down to the lobby. I checked out, taking her back to the truck and helping her in, climbing into the driver's seat and starting up the truck.

We pulled out of the parking lot and Estella grabbed the map from the glove compartment, unfolding it and finding where we were and where we were going. She quickly instructed me and I started driving towards the highway.

In about two hours, we were nearing San Francisco. Estella's excitement was getting more apparent as we were getting closer, because she kept jumping up and down in her seat, or clapping her hands, or humming a few bars from some musical I didn't know. I chuckled, shaking my head at her. Her excitement was contagious though, and soon I found myself grinning as we entered the city limits.

"Jack! Jack you have to stop here. We have to get out; we have to ride a trolley, please! I've always wanted to ride one and we're finally here and we can ride one together, oh, please, Jack!" Estella said, tugging on my arm and bouncing in her seat excitedly, pointing at the red trolley chugging along down the street. I laughed.

"Alright, alright! We'll ride a trolley; just don't have a heart attack or something." I said, pulling over and parking in the first parking spot I could find. I put in the quarters necessary after getting out, and I turned around to see Estella staring up at the sky. I glanced up and noticed that there were a few dark clouds rolling in.

"C'mon, let's ride that trolley before the storm comes." I said, putting one arm around her shoulders and smiling down at her. She smiled gratefully up at me, and walked excitedly towards the trolley station. I bought our tickets and we boarded the little red trolley, standing near one of the back windows, leaning over the rail as the trolley drove down the road. The wind blew gently, the smell of rain carried on it as it whipped around our heads, making her hair fly around. She laughed, spreading her arms out and giggling like an excited child. It was the happiest I had seen her in a long time, and the happiest I would probably see her ever. This thought hit me like a bag of bricks. It was moments like these that made me unable to believe she was going to die soon. In less than a month, Estella Marie Jackson would be no more. It just didn't seem _possible_. Looking at her now, you wouldn't guess she was slowly but surely slipping away.

The trolley ride ended somewhere in the middle of downtown San Francisco, which meant Estella and I had to walk all the way back to the truck. She was absolutely fine with that, still on her trolley high. She was bubbly and energetic, and she was happy, which was really all that mattered. The dark clouds were rolling in closer, which worried me, but she seemed unbothered by it.

"Wasn't it wonderful, Jack? I've always wanted to ride a trolley in San Francisco, and it was just as wonderful as I thought it would be. It was like a dream, with the wind, and the trolley car, and you, and it was magnificent, didn't you think, Jack?" She was chattering away, glancing up at me every so often with the biggest, dreamiest smile on her face. I would just smile and nod, not needing to interject on anything.

By the time we had made it halfway back to the truck, the storm started. It was a light drizzle at first, and Estella giggled, dancing and twirling in it like a little girl. Soon it started pouring, and she started getting tired.

"Come on, jump on my back." I told her, crouching down so she could do so. She hesitated before leaping up, wrapping her tiny arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She rested her head on my back, obviously worn out. I stuck close to the buildings, the occasional awning giving us some relief from the pouring rain.

"Thank you, Jack."

I smiled back at her, turning my head so I could get a glimpse of her face.

"Of course, Estella."

_I love you._ I thought, turning around to face the front.

"What?"

My eyes widened. I hadn't meant to say that out loud, I could have sworn I just thought it. I kept my head forward, hoping she would just drop it. However, in true Estella fashion, she kept pushing it.

"Jack, what did you just say?"

"I didn't say anything," I lied, keeping my eye focus straight ahead. I could feel her trying to adjust herself so her face would be right next to mine, and in a few short seconds I could feel her gaze on me.

"Jack Andrew Reed. You are a horrible liar. You said something and I would like to know what you said." Underneath her fierce tone was a hint of something else. Was that fear?

"It's not important, Estella." I was lying through my teeth now. She was right; I was a horrible liar. That didn't matter. I had only just now come to terms with this; she didn't need or deserve the pressure of having to deal with it.

"If it's not so important, then you can tell me." I ignored her, looking in the opposite direction and staring at nothing, willing her to just drop it. She started wriggling again, and I didn't take notice of what she was doing until my back felt 120 pounds lighter. I turned around to see her standing in the middle of the sidewalk, arms folded across her chest, the rain plastering her dark hair to her pale face.

"Estella, what are you doing? Come on, we have to get you out of this rain." I said, moving towards her. She took a step back, her eyes filled with determination.

"I refuse to move until you tell me what you said." I could feel my exasperation rising. She was going to get sick if she didn't get out of the rain and those wet clothes soon, and she couldn't be sick.

"I said I love you. Now please, come on."

Her eyes widened and she started shaking her head.

"No."

Rejection hit me like a punch to the gut. I closed my eyes, feeling embarrassment flush my cheeks and race through my veins.

"Estella, please. This doesn't have to be weird or anything, I'm sorry for saying it, we won't talk about it again, just please come on." I said quietly, moving towards her again. She didn't back up this time, just stared at the ground, shaking her head and murmuring no over and over under her breath.

"Okay, I get it, you don't return the feeling. You're going to get sick if you stay out here any longer." I said flatly, standing in front of her. She looked up at me, her eyes wide. It looked like she was crying, but that could have just been the rain.

"You can't." She said it softly, and the pain wrapped up in those two words told me that she was crying.

"Estella…" I started, but she shook her head, cutting me off.

"You can't. I won't let you."

"Estella, I told you we don't even have to talk about it, I get that you don't feel the same way, but-" She cut me off again, quickly.

"It's not that. Quite the opposite, actually. I've loved you since I was 13 years old, Jack. But you can't love _me._"

"You're not making any sense."

Her hands curled into fists out of frustration, and she stared me straight in the eye.

"You can't love me. I'm not anything to love, Jack. You deserve better than me. You deserve someone who can be with you, who can grow old with you, who can have kids with you, who will _live_ with you. I can't do any of that. I can't give you kids, I can't give you a family, Christ, I can't even give you a walk up the street! I'm going to _**die**_, Jack. I'm not going to make it back home. I'm going to leave you. I'm not going to be able to stay with you. I love you, Jack. I love you with everything in me, but I refuse to let _you_ love _me_. You deserve so much more than me. I'm sick. I'm dying. _I can't give you what you ought to have._" She ended her speech in tears, throwing her hands up in frustration. I didn't say anything; I just moved forward and kissed her softly. She clutched the front of my shirt and even though she was kissing me back I could tell she was still crying, and so was I.

She pulled away first, leaning into me, the occasional sob wracking her body. I quietly picked her up, and cradling her in my arms, walked back to the truck in silence.

I put her gently in the passenger's seat, kissing her forehead softly before moving into the driver's seat, starting the truck and driving towards the nearest hotel. She stayed quiet, and when I finally chanced a glance over at her, I saw she was asleep. Despite everything, I smiled.

When we got to the hotel, I silently got out of the car, checking into the hotel, going back to the truck, deftly picking up Estella up and carrying her up to the hotel room. I laid her down on the bed and left the room, going to get both of our bags. When I came back, she was still lying down, but her eyes were open and she looked up at me as soon as I walked into the room.

I put our bags down by the door and sat next to her softly. I looked down at her, and she bit her lip, turning over and facing the wall. I sighed, reaching down and gently turning her over so she was facing me.

"Jack, please, I do-" I held up a finger.

"You got your turn to talk. Now it's mine." I said softly, and she frowned, but stayed quiet.

"I don't care that you're going to d-leave me. I don't care that we can't have children together, I don't care that we can't get married, I don't care that you're sick. I do care about you. I care about you and I love you. I love the way you smile, and the way you get excited, and I love your eyes, and I love the way you sing Broadway and expect me to know what you're singing, I love how you can always find the happiest things in the bleakest of situations. _I love you_ and everything about you. I, Jack Andrew Reed, love you, Estella Marie Jackson. And nothing you say or do will change that." I spoke quickly and quietly, keeping her attention focused on me. She was silent for a second before she sat up, leaning forward and kissing me softly.

"I love you too, Jack." She said quietly, leaning back down and moving under the covers, falling asleep again. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair before lying down next to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and falling asleep. I would worry about the consequences of what had happened affect me in the morning.

The next morning I woke up again before Estella did. She looked as peaceful as possible, a slight smile gracing her face. I smiled slightly, kissing her forehead. She stirred but didn't wake up, just moved around a bit until she was comfortably resting her head near my chest. I smiled as I watched her, but underneath my happiness was the heaviest feeling. I knew that she was going to be gone soon, and I had no idea what I was going to do without her.

"Jack?" Her sleepy voice broke into my thoughts, and I glanced down to see she still had her eyes closed.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, good, you're awake." She said, opening her eyes slowly and smiling up at me. I laughed quietly.

"Yeah, I am."

"Well, good morning." She said, reaching up and kissing my cheek. She wriggled out of my arms, getting out of the bed and moving to her bag, grabbing clothes and going into the bathroom. I heard the shower start and I sat up slowly. Things hadn't been awkward yet, and I was thankful for that.

I got out of bed, moving to my bag and pulling out my cell phone. I quickly pressed speed dial two, and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mom."

"Jack! Sweetheart, how are you? Your father and I were getting worried, we didn't hear from you yesterday."

"I'm fine, Mom. We just had a really long day and I didn't get the chance to call you, I'm sorry."

"That's alright, hon, I'm just glad you called. How is Estella?"

"She's doing fine, she's in the shower right now." I said, closing my eyes. My mom and I both knew that 'doing fine' just meant that she wasn't gone yet.

"That's good. Where are you?"

"We're in San Francisco right now."

"That's good, honey. You know to call me if anything happens, right?" I nodded, also knowing that by anything happening, she meant Estella dying.

"Yeah, I know. Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I love you." I had been missing her a lot lately, and while I was glad to take Estella on this trip, I hadn't realized how much I would miss my parents. I had never been away from them for very long, and with Estella talking about her mom a lot, it had got me missing mine even more.

"I love you too, Jack." I could hear the smile in her voice and it made me smile.

"I'll talk to you later, Mom."

"Alright, dear. Goodbye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and sat back down on the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, staring up at the ceiling. I didn't even notice the shower had stopped until Estella was sitting next to me.

"What are you thinking about?" I glanced down at her, smiling slightly.

"Nothing, really. I'm gonna take a quick shower and then we can go, alright?" She nodded and I kissed her temple, standing up and grabbing some clean clothes. I took the shower and then came out to find Estella packing up our bags neatly. She turned and beamed at me, and it was then that I noticed how worn she was. She was smaller than usual. She had always been tiny, but it was like in these past few days she had been shrinking. She was thinner, and there were bags under her eyes like she was always tired, and her skin was paler than usual, and she just looked…worn out, like she was ready to crawl into a bed and sleep for a thousand years. She looked up at me and opened her mouth to speak, but she sneezed instead.

"Bless you." I said, frowning. The sneeze had shaken her, literally made her body shake with the sneeze.

"Thanks." She said, looking confused as to why she was sneezing.

"C'mon, let's go." I said quietly, picking up our bags and slipping on my shoes, walking out of the hotel room. I checked us out and helped Estella into the truck, getting into the driver's seat and starting up the truck, pulling out of the hotel. She reached for the map, unfolding it quickly and scanning over our route.

"We're going to be in Redwood City next," She said, glancing up from the map to me. "That should be fun. You know, they say that those trees are the tallest and that you can drive your cars through them."

"Let me guess. You want to drive through one?" I asked, an amused smile starting to form. She beamed brightly, looking more like the Broadway-bound Estella than the coffin-bound one.

"Please, Jack?"

I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Fine, we'll drive through a tree."

Within the next few hours, we passed several tourists traps, and while Estella begged me to stop, I told her that the trees were waiting and we had no time to stop. Neither of us made any mention of our confessions from last night, but there was something…different in the air. As if the secrets we had been keeping had been holding tension, and now that they were out in the open, the tension was gone.

We made it to Redwood City soon enough, and with a few directions we had made it to the edge of the forest. In front of us lay miles and miles of nothing but huge trees, shooting so high into the sky we couldn't see the tops.

"Well, here we go." I said quietly, driving into the forest. I had turned off the radio and rolled down the windows, and we drove past trees and through trees until we were in the middle of the forest. There was no one around us.

"Can we stop, Jack?" Estella asked quietly. I nodded, turning the car off and stopping in the middle of the forest. We got out slowly, in awe of the complete silence that surrounded us. Once we got past the silence, we began to hear the noises.

They were little at first, a rustling of leaves here or maybe a snapping of a twig, but then we began to hear birds chirping quietly to each other, or squirrels chattering in trees. Estella's face was lit up, watching everything with wide eyes and a wide smile. She turned to me.

"It's amazing," She breathed, looking around again. I nodded, smiling slightly. She turned back around, coughing. I frowned, moving closer to her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, Jack, I'm perfectly fine. It's just a cough, that's all. Don't worry." She looked up at me, smiling to reassure me. I didn't buy it; I could see the worry in her eyes.

"If you say so." I said, leaning back against the truck. She nodded, standing next to me. It was quiet between us for awhile, both of us staring out into the forest and thinking about different things. She turned to me, breaking the silence first.

"Will you sing again? It was very relaxing and you have a nice voice." I smiled slightly, glancing down at her.

"Sure. Any special requests?" I said, my smile becoming amused. She laughed softly, shaking her head.

"No, nothing specific. Whatever comes to mind first." She said, leaning against me. I moved my arm around her shoulders as I thought.

_I can't fight this feeling any longer, and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow, what started out as friendship has grown stronger, I only wish I had the strength to let it show,_ I sang, grinning slightly at the irony of the words. She giggled, beaming up at me.

_Even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight, you're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night, and I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might, _she sang quietly, and I looked down at her, grinning widely. I didn't even know she knew this song, let alone the words.

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for, it's time to bring this ship into the shore, and throw away yours, baby I can't fight this feeling anymore_, we sang together, our voices growing louder and echoing through the forest. It was in this moment that I got a glimpse of what could have been for her. She was still extremely talented, even in her sickness. She would have been a brilliant performer.

_Why?_ I thought, glancing up at the sky for a brief second. She continued singing until she was cut off by another violent coughing fit. I felt my heart drop and my stomach clench, my pulse racing as she coughed into her elbow, each cough wracking her body and making it shake aggressively. Finally the coughing subsided and she smiled weakly, an apology written in her eyes. I shook my head; silently telling her there was nothing to apologize for. I kissed the top of her head softly.

"Maybe we should go." I suggested, and she nodded, climbing into the truck. I followed suit, starting up the car and driving through the forest, our thoughts in the same place.

_Time was running out._

We continued our drive in silence, leaving the forest and making our way back to the freeway. Estella pulled out the map, trying to figure out where we were going next.

"One hour to Santa Cruz," She chirped, sneezing again.

"Bless you," I murmured, glancing over at her. She smiled sheepishly.

"It's just allergies, probably." She said, waving it off like it wasn't important. I frowned, but didn't say anything. She and I both knew she had never had any allergies before. This worried me to no end. Why was she suddenly coughing and sneezing? Was it even possible for her to get a cold?

We made it to Santa Cruz in the hour, but decided to continue driving after picking up some food, wanting to get as far as we could. We didn't have to say it out loud, but we were both very conscious of the fact that her time was running out. We still had at least a week of driving before we would reach San Diego, and I was determined to bring her back home.

By the time we were practically falling asleep in the car, we had made it to the outskirts of Santa Barbara. I pulled into a shady looking motel, quickly checking in and carrying Estella into the room easily. I laid her in the bed gently, moving to go grab our bags. I dumped them by the door, kicking off my shoes and crawling into the bed next to her, too exhausted to do anything else.

I woke up in the middle of the night, the sheets tangled up in my legs. I glanced up at the clock and sighed when I saw the little red numbers read 2:31. I rolled over, wrapping my arm around Estella's waist and burying my face in her hair. I pulled her close to me, my chest to her back. She stirred slightly, but didn't wake up, simply moving closer to me. I smiled sleepily and closed my eyes, falling back asleep.

The next thing I knew, we were in LA. I didn't remember waking up or getting in the car, but suddenly we were there, walking around the city. Estella's hand was in mine, and we were pointing out landmarks here and there, laughing and talking quietly and closely. We began walking back to the truck when she suddenly stopped walking. Her hand was yanked from mine and she was frozen to the spot. I turned around, running back to her, but it was like there was a glass wall between us, thick and unbreakable. I shouted her name, pounding on the glass, and I saw her start to slip away from the wall, moving backwards. She was saying something, but I couldn't hear her, she was too far away.

"Estella, come back!" I shouted frantically, pounding against the glass with everything in me. It was useless. She was falling away from me, her eyes slipping shut, but her lips still moving. She was saying something over and over, and I kept banging on the glass, but nothing was happening and she was leaving and I had never felt more defeated or upset or alone or empty, and suddenly-

I was being shaken awake.

"Jack! Jack, please wake up. Jack? Jack, come on, wake up. Wake up!" From somewhere in the distance, I heard Estella's voice filled with worry. My drowsy brain connected the shaking with her voice and I sat up straight quickly, snapping back into awareness. I looked over to see Estella staring at me with worry written all over her face. My face broke into a smile, and I wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her shoulder and holding her tightly, relishing the fact that she was _here_.

"You were having a nightmare." She said softly, rubbing my back gently. "What happened?"

"You were leaving me." I admitted quietly into her skin, closing my eyes and holding her. "You were stuck behind this glass wall and I couldn't save you." I could feel her sigh in my hair, and she kissed the top of my head gently.

"You should go back to sleep. Come on, lay back down." She said soothingly, easing me back until my head was on the pillow again. She laid down next to me, wrapping her arm around my waist, her head on my chest. She began humming softly, waiting until my eyes were closed to start singing.

_I should tell you, I should tell you, I have always loved you, you can see it in my eyes,_ she sang quietly, her free hand reaching down and lacing with mine. I smiled slightly, drifting back into sleep.

The next morning I woke up to find Estella staring up at me, humming softly. She smiled brightly when she saw my eyes open, leaning up to kiss my jaw.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" She asked, looking at me with concern. I smiled warmly, nodding.

"I slept perfectly, thanks." I told her, kissing her forehead. She smiled and then patted my cheek gently, wriggling out of my arms and sitting up.

"Good. Let's get a move on then, we're almost to Los Angeles." She said, grinning widely and clapping her hands together happily. I chuckled, sitting up as well and getting out of bed. We each took a shower and then got back into the truck, starting it up and pulling out of the parking lot. It was almost routine now, like we had been doing this for most of our lives instead of a few weeks. Estella pulled out the map and quickly chirped out where we would need to go to get to Los Angeles, and I followed her directions. We were on the highway soon, the road stretching endlessly behind us and endlessly in front of us, and it felt like this would never end. I glanced over at her as she chattered about nothing, reaching out and taking her hand into mine. She paused, smiling as she looked at our hands and then at me. I briefly looked at her, smiling slightly and squeezing her hand before looking back at the road. She continued to chatter, a smile never leaving her lips.

We reached Los Angeles within two hours, and she convinced me to pull over so we could walk around for awhile.

"This is the last time I'm going to be able to see this city, Jack. Please?" She asked with just the perfect amount of sadness and hope that I had to give in to her. She squealed happily, just like she did when I agreed to let her ride the trolley, and I can't help but smile. She leans over, kissing me before quickly moving back, coughing violently again. I winced before moving towards her. She shook her head through her coughing, holding up a hand and keeping me away from her. When they finally finished, she smiled weakly at me.

"I'm fine. Let's go." She said, quickly getting out of the truck. I knew my forehead was creased with worry but Estella had already made it very clear that she was going to walk around this city whether I came or not. There was no way I was leaving her alone, so I got out of the truck, locking the doors and walking over to her side. Remembering my nightmare, I put a protective arm around her waist, holding her close to my side. She smiled slightly, leaning into me as we walked down the sidewalk.

As we walked more into the downtown area, it got more crowded and there were a lot more celebrity sightings. Estella became very excited whenever she saw anyone even remotely famous. She got extremely ecstatic when she saw two actors from one of her favorite TV shows she used to watch back home.

"Jack, look! It's Lea Michele and Cory Monteith from Glee! Oh, aren't they so cute together?" She squealed, tugging on my shirt and pointing them out to me. I had to take a double take, because that Lea girl looked a lot like Estella. I shrugged it off, and we continued walking, Estella deciding that since she didn't have anything for them to autograph it would be pointless going up to them. We walked around the city until she got tired, which happened pretty fast. It only served to remind me that she was going to leave me soon. Our time was running out. I swore right then and there that I would spend every last moment with her. I led her to a bench so she could catch her breath, and she rested her head on my shoulder, inhaling and exhaling with difficulty.

She looked up at me, smiling softly. "Thank you, Jack." I glanced down at her, a bit surprised.

"For what?"

"For this. For everything." She said, spreading her arms out as if motioning to our entire trip. "You didn't have to take me on this trip, but you did. And I am so, so grateful for it. I'm glad that I'm going to die knowing that I made it down here, instead of in my bed at home. This is so much more than I deserve, so thank you." She said, leaning up and kissing my cheek softly. A smile tugged at one end of my lips, and I kissed her forehead.

"You're welcome." She smiled, nestling closer to me.

"I just wanted to tell you that in case I don't get another chance." She said quietly, closing her eyes. She knew more than I did exactly how much time she had left, and by the sound of her words, it wasn't much. I looked down at her with fear and worry, and she shook her head.

"Not today. But soon." She said, answering my unspoken question. I exhaled, relieved a bit. I had one more day, at least.


	2. Chapter 2

We sat on the bench for a little while longer before she felt well enough to walk again. We stood up and lazily made our way back to the truck, pointing out various landmarks and celebrity houses on our way. We grabbed a bite to eat before going back to the truck, and Estella pulled out the map, her eyes lighting up as she saw where we were going next.

"Anaheim," She breathed, looking up at me. I looked at her in confusion; the name didn't ring any bells. Her eyes widened as she realized I didn't know what that was.

"Anaheim? Anaheim, California? _Disneyland_?" My eyebrows rose and I grinned widely.

"No way." She grinned widely, nodding enthusiastically.

"Yes way. We have to go." She said, hopping into the truck and buckling up with more energy than I had seen her have in a long time. I jumped into the driver's seat, buckling up and starting the car quickly. In all my years of living in California, I had only been to Disneyland once when I was five years old. I don't remember much about it but I knew that it was one of the best experiences of my life. This was going to be _amazing._

Estella couldn't sit still. We still had a good three hours before we even got to Anaheim, but she was fidgeting and bouncing and looking out the window every ten minutes. I couldn't help but laugh quietly. She turned to look at me.

"What's so funny?"

"You." I said, flashing a cheeky grin before turning back to the road. She shook her head but smiled anyway, her excitement too much to let her stay mad at me. She calmed down a bit, reducing her movement to a slight bouncing in her seat. I chuckled, shaking my head slightly. I had to admit, her excitement was contagious. By the time we started seeing signs that told us Anaheim was less than 100 miles away, I was bouncing in my seat a little. We reached the outskirts of Anaheim at 7 o'clock, and we both decided that we would wait until tomorrow to go to Disneyland. We wanted a full day there.

We checked into a little motel just inside the city limits, grabbing our bags and walking up to the room. It had two beds, which was something we hadn't encountered yet. We glanced at each other and reluctantly put our bags on the beds, claiming one each. Deciding that it was too early to call it a night, we walked back out to the truck. We got in, pulling out of the parking lot to drive around the city for awhile. As we got closer to the downtown, we both realized something. Although Disneyland may be the happiest place on Earth, Anaheim was the farthest thing from it. On every street corner, there were at least five girls walking around but not really going anywhere, if you know what I mean. There was a lot of homeless people, sitting on the ledges of buildings and on the curbs, begging for money or stoned out of their minds. I turned the truck around, heading back towards the motel. As we started driving, I noticed that Estella began nodding off, falling asleep. I felt a little worried. Normally Estella was bouncing around with energy, but lately she had been less energetic. I knew in my heart that it was just the disease getting to her, but I didn't want to admit it out loud. I didn't want to think about anything that had to do with her dying.

We arrived at the motel and I got out, gently lifting her from her seat and cradling her in my arms, gently so as not to wake her. As we walked up the stairs, she began to stir, and then cough, shaking violently in my arms.

"Estella! Estella, please, what's wrong, what's going on?" I started to panic, not sure what was happening. "I'm going to take you to a doctor, okay?" I turned to walk down the stairs, when her coughing began to subside and she shook her head, tugging at my shoulders.

"No, I don't want to go to the doctor's." She choked out, wriggling to get out of my arms. I kept holding her, not sure if she was able to stand.

"Estella, it would be best for you to go," I said, standing in the hallway of the motel. She shook her head again.

"I can't go. If I go, they'll keep me there until I die, Jack. I…can't give up now. Please, Jack. I promise. Tomorrow I'll go. After we go to Disneyland." She looked up at me, her eyes pleading. I sighed, caving.

"As soon as we leave Disneyland, I'm taking you to the nearest doctor, Estella." I said firmly. She nodded, smiling gently.

"Thank you, Jack." She said softly, nestling back in my arms, closing her eyes. She sneezed again, shivering slightly. I took that as my cue to take her inside the room, laying her down gently on her bed. She crawled under the blankets and I kissed her forehead gently, grabbing my pajamas and moving to the bathroom, changing into them. I sighed, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I knew it was completely selfish of me to keep Estella with me, even if it was just for one more day. The logical part of my brain told me that she needed to go to a doctor immediately; that keeping her with me was wrong. The immature part of me kept crying out _just one more day, one more day, please._

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. Tomorrow morning, I promised myself. If she looked worse, I would take her in the morning. I brushed my teeth and then walked back into the room. Estella was fast asleep, her hair fanned out around her face and her lips curled into a peaceful smile. It frightened me to see her like that, so still and fragile. It reminded me that soon she would be lying like that, but she wouldn't wake up again. I felt so helpless. I looked up at the ceiling, pleading silently. If there was a way for me to trade places with her, I would do it in a heartbeat. My future had nowhere to go. Once this trip was over, I was going to go back home and take over my father's business, grow up and pass it on to someone else. It was routine, mundane, it had no promise. But Estella, oh Estella had a future. She could have had a future. She would have gone on to become a star, one of the brightest and the best. She would have grown up and married some other star, and lived a life of amazing things. It wasn't fair that I got to live while she had to die. _**It wasn't fair.**_

Exhaling, I crawled into my bed. It felt colder than any of the other beds, and I knew that was because Estella wasn't there. I sighed, rolling over and lying on my stomach, closing my eyes. I was tired of feeling angry. I just wanted to sleep now.

I was woken up in the middle of the night by a gentle pressure on my arm. I stirred, groaning slightly as I woke up. I looked up to see Estella hovering near my bed.

"Jack?" I nodded, rubbing my eyes.

"What's the matter?" I asked sleepily, looking up at her.

"Nothing, I just…this is a bit silly, but, would you mind if I slept with you? It just feels weird being in a bed alone and this is the last night and I just don't want to spend it alone." I shuffled over immediately, holding open the blanket so she could crawl in. She did so quickly, curling up next to me.

"Thank you." She murmured, kissing my cheek.

"You're welcome."

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"I love you." I smiled slightly, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you too, Estella." Her tiny arms wrapped around my waist and she pulled herself closer to me, nestling close before falling asleep again. I smiled again, wrapping my arms around her gently before falling asleep.

The next morning I woke up early, around 7. I glanced down at Estella, who was sleeping peacefully. I smiled slightly, kissing her forehead. _Might as well get up, _I thought, gently letting go of Estella and crawling out of the bed. I grabbed some clean clothes and went into the bathroom, taking a shower. I began debating with myself. Estella looked normal, but what was normal for Estella would be sick for anyone else. I knew that if I took her to the doctor, which was the right thing, she would hate me, but if I took her to Disneyland and something happened, I would hate myself. I sighed, rinsing off. I knew what my choice was. It was obvious and there was no point in arguing with myself anymore.

I dried off and got dressed, brushing my teeth to prolong having to put my decision in action. _Maybe if Estella has time to think, she'll make the decision for me, and I won't have to._ I thought hopefully, but in the back of my mind I knew there was no point. Estella had her mind made up.

I walked out of the bathroom to find her sitting on the bed, a clean change of clothes in her lap. She looked at me when I walked out of the bathroom, and she beamed.

"I'll be quick, I promise." She said, getting off the bed and walking into the bathroom. I nodded, taking a seat on the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes. I reached for my cell phone and dialed speed dial two, putting the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mom."

"Jack, honey! How are you? How is Estella?"

"I'm fine, she's fine. We're in Anaheim. We're going to Disneyland today." I said with a slight smile.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful! Have fun and be careful, Jack. It's hot out there. Don't let Estella get too worn out." She said, and I nodded, even though she couldn't see me.

"I won't, Mom."

"Alright. Call me when you get back to a hotel, alright?"

"I will. Love you, Mom."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

I hung up the phone and exhaled, looking up at the ceiling again.

_Just keep her safe today. Just one more day. That's all I'm asking._ I thought, closing my eyes.

"Ready?" Estella chirped from the bathroom door, and I opened my eyes, nodding. I slipped on my shoes and she slipped on hers and I smiled at her. She looked so excited; more excited than I had seen her in awhile. We packed up our bags and I carried them both out to the truck. After checking out, we got into the truck and I started it up, pulling out of the parking lot and headed towards Disneyland.

We arrived at the park pretty quickly, driving through the parking lot and parking pretty close to the park. I got out of the truck and helped Estella out, taking her small hand into mine. She laced our fingers together and we began walking towards the entrance to the park. I paid for our tickets and we entered the park, both of us in awe.

"It's beautiful." Estella breathed, stopping and taking everything in. I looked around, nodding in agreement. It was like a little kid's dream come true. You couldn't not be happy here. It radiated happiness, and joy, and content. I smiled widely, laughing. It was amazing.

"Come on, Jack, we have so much to do!" Estella exclaimed, taking my hand and tugging me down the main street. I laughed again, following her.

We did almost everything. We rode almost everything; we saw all the shows and ate all the food we could. The entire time Estella was practically glowing. I hadn't seen her this happy since freshman year of high school. Her face was lit up; shining with the brightest smile I had ever seen her wear. It made me happy to see her this happy.

"I'm glad this was the last day, Jack." She told me as we stood near the castle, waiting for the final performance of the night. I looked down at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're going to take me to the doctor's after this. I won't be here much longer. But this was the best last day ever." She said, smiling widely. I felt my stomach clench and my heart sink.

"You're welcome, Estella." I said quietly, kissing the top of her head.

"Oh, Jack. I'm a little dizzy, can we sit down?" She asked suddenly, gripping onto my arm tightly. I felt my chest tighten and I nodded, searching around for the nearest bench. I quickly started moving towards an empty bench, half-carrying Estella.

"Please hang on, please, please, please," I mumbled, walking as fast as I could to the bench. I turned to look at her and she collapsed, crumpling on the ground. A few people gasped, and I rushed over to her. There were shouts of 'someone call an ambulance!' but they were all faint in the background. I knelt next to her, pulling her upper half up in my arms.

"Estella? Estella, listen to me, please, Estella, open your eyes!" I shouted, gently shaking her. The crowd around us parted for the paramedics, but I couldn't let go of her.

"Sir, please, we need to get her to the hospital." One of them said, prying my arms out from around her. I stood up shakily, following them.

"I'm coming with you." I said fiercely, and they glanced at each other.

"Alright." They caved, setting Estella onto a stretcher and putting her into the back of the ambulance. I followed quickly, almost in a daze. This felt like some horrible dream, and any moment I would wake up and see Estella smiling at me, telling me to wake up because we had to get going.

"Is there anything about her we should know?" One of the paramedics asked, while the others hooked Estella up to machines. I nodded.

"She has AIDS." I mumbled, staring at her. She looked so different, like a washed-out version of the girl I knew. Her skin was pale, almost white, and she was being hooked up to so many machines she looked like some sort of robot, not a human.

The rest of the ride was like a blur. The only thing I remember was the machine that was keeping track of her heartbeat kept beeping regularly, letting me know she was still alive. When we pulled up to the hospital, they took her out of the car and I followed them, the only thing running through my mind was to stay with Estella. I had to stay with her.

"You have to wait here." A nurse said, keeping me in the waiting room. I shook my head, coming out of my daze.

"I have to go in there with her." I said, moving towards the hallway where they were wheeling Estella.

"Not now. You have to stay here and wait. You can go in there soon, but you have to stay in here now or else I have to kick you out." She said sternly. I felt myself become drained of energy, suddenly I felt really tired. I sighed, nodding and taking a seat in the waiting room. I buried my face in my hands, shaking slightly. I was terrified. I was more scared than I had ever been, than I ever would be. I had known this day was coming, but it always seemed so far off, a distant dread, not anything close. But it was here, it was happening, she was leaving me and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Sir? You can go see her now." The nurse said from behind the counter. "She's in room 117, down that hall and to your left." I stood up quickly, running down the hallway. I opened the door, entering the room. There was a doctor standing by the bed, in front of her.

"Who are you?" The doctor asked me, turning around when I walked in.

"My name is Jack. Jack Reed. I'm her boyfriend." I said, my heart racing.

"Well, Jack, we normally don't allow non-family members into the room, but I presume you're the only one here with her?" I nodded quickly. "Then I suppose we can make an exception for you. Before you see her, there's a few things I have to tell you. She's stable for now, but we don't expect her to recover. She's not in any pain, but she hasn't responded to any of us. You can stay with her as long as you'd like. Does she have any parents we can contact?" I nodded and realized I didn't know her father's number.

"You can call my mom. She's the closest thing." I mumbled, giving him my mother's number. He nodded and thanked me and then stepped forward, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, son. I wish there was more we could do for her." He said quietly, before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. I moved forward, finally seeing Estella.

She wasn't hooked up to as many machines as before, just a heart monitor and an IV drip. Her hair was slightly messy, and I reached out, smoothing it for her. Her skin was still warm, and the heart monitor was beeping consistently, which was a small comfort. I pulled a chair up to the bed, sitting next to her. I reached out, taking her hand. Her eyes were closed, but her chest was rising and falling. It was like she was sleeping.

"Hey, Stella. It's me, Jack. The doctor is calling my mom, who's gonna call your dad. This is really scaring me, Estella. I mean, I guess I knew it was coming, but I didn't realize it was so close. Well, I did, I just didn't do anything about it. I wish I could have, Stella. I wish I could have done something for you. I'm so sorry, Estella. I feel like I failed you somehow. I don't even know if you can hear me now, but I have to tell you this. I love you so much, Estella." I said, feeling my voice choke up the more I talked. I kissed her hand softly, closing my eyes. "I love you, Estella. I hope wherever you go, you're happy and you get a big stage to perform on every night." I added, smiling slightly. She would like that.

_When you take her, make sure you give her a stage._ I thought, glancing up at the ceiling. I looked back down at her and gently squeezed her hand. She stirred and I felt my heart leap. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she looked over at me, smiling.

"Hey, Jack." She said weakly. I blinked quickly, feeling tears start to well up in the corner of my eyes.

"Hey, Estella."

"I know I've already asked a lot from you, but could I ask you one final favor?" I nodded.

"Of course. Anything." I said quickly.

"Promise me you won't forget me."

"I promise. I'll never forget you." She smiled, looking so fragile and breakable.

"Good. I love you, Jack." She said, closing her eyes again.

"I love you too, Estella." I said quietly, feeling more helpless than I had ever felt before. I watched as she left a small smile on her lips, breathing out for the last time. The machine fell silent and her hand went limp in mine, and for the first time I started to cry, letting go of her hand and burying my face in my hands.

My parents paid for plane tickets to bring me and Estella's body back to Adin. The plane ride was the worst part. I sat alone, staring out the window bitterly. When we arrived back, my dad greeted my solemnly, and my mom enveloped me in the biggest hug.

Estella's funeral was a few days later. It was held in the church she attended with her father, and a surprisingly large amount of people showed up. It seemed that Estella had touched more people than she realized. It was open-casket, but I couldn't look at her. I wanted my last memory of her to be of her alive, no matter how weak she had been then. Her father had asked me if I wanted to make a speech, but I declined. I wasn't sure if I could stand up in front of everyone and talk about her without completely breaking down. A few people said a few words and then we all went to the cemetery where she was going to be buried.

It was a sunny day outside, which I knew would have made her happy if she would have been there to see it. She had liked the sun. I dropped a single red rose into the hole and watched as it landed on top of the sleek black casket. I stepped away and stood near my mother, feeling completely empty. It felt like this was a joke, like Estella was going to walk out of the church any second and laugh, telling me how silly I was to fall for her pranks. As they started shoveling dirt, I realized that it wasn't a joke; that she wasn't coming back, and for the second time, I started to cry. I buried my face in my mother's shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn't stop. It was worse than when she actually died. It was like it hit me all of a sudden and I realized that she was never coming back and I just couldn't hold it in any longer.

My mother told me to go sit in the church, to take time for myself to collect my thoughts and to mourn in peace. I walked numbly towards the brick church, and a light breeze whipped around me. It lifted my jacket and ruffled my hair, and it was gentle against my face. I looked up to the sky and felt the corners of my lips turn upwards.

_Thank you._ I thought, walking into the church. _Keep her safe._


End file.
